All of us say the wrong things at one point in our lives or another. Especially with children, since they have lesser control over their emotions, our words have a huge impact on them. This is exactly why kids tend to get angrier or more disappointed when we speak to them harshly.
While you’re still developing a bond with your child, you need to be very careful, as the words you say may have a profound effect on them. Here are a few words that you must never say to your kids:
1. “Just leave me alone”
Every mom needs her alone time, for sure. She must be something special is she didn’t. But if you get caught up only in your own interest, and repeatedly say the above words to your kids, you may be harming them without realizing it. Studies have shown that if you repeatedly keep saying this to your kids, they may end up thinking “There is no use saying anything to mom, she never listens to me anyway”, which is not a good thing. They must be comfortable sharing things with you, and if you keep up this behaviour, they might not share anything with you in the future.
2. “Don’t cry! Shhh!”
You must encourage your children to express their feelings. Instead of scolding them, you can ask them, “Why are you sad? Tell me” or “Don’t be afraid, tell me what happened”. The reasons children cry is because they aren’t able to express themselves in words. They also have feelings - they feel sad, they feel anxious. When you react this way, this will negatively affect their behaviour. They will start feeling like their emotions aren’t valued at home.
3. “Let your dad/mom come home”
This is a very popular line used by parents not just to threaten their kids, but also to instill discipline their kids. But the disciplinary lesson you put forward does not correct the child's future behavior. By the time your partner comes home, your kid may have forgotten what s/he did wrong. Moreover, the fear that their other parent would punish them is greater than the guilt of the wrongdoing. This might even indirectly tell your kid that you have no control over their behaviour.
4. “Why can’t you be like him/her?”
Competition is good. Comparison, however may have adverse effects on your child sometimes. When you compare your child to his relatives or friends and say “Look how well-behaved he is” or “Look at her and learn something”, you’re actually not helping at all. Rather, you may end up giving the child a complex. Each child is unique and has their own personality. They grow at their own pace. If you pressurize your kid into something when they are unprepared, their self-confidence will fall and they’ll end up confused and unsure about themselves.
5. “You’re a big …”
You must not label your child and call them names, as it affects their personality a lot. Telling them, “You are a big loser”, “you are useless”, will be accepted by them, and eventually they will end up believing it is true, and think that they truly are worthless. On the other hand, continuously telling them “You are so intelligent!” will also set a big expectation on them. So, we advise you to do everything in moderation. Stop labeling them.
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