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For many women and many couples, having a baby is one of the happiest moments of their lives. Finding out you’re pregnant that first time has an effect like no other. That’s why the heartache you get when that dream doesn’t come to fruition is one of the worst kinds. It’s worse than not being able to get pregnant. The heartbreak that is possible to feel when you go through that experience cannot be described in words. But this is not the end.

You may have a lot of thoughts going on in your head at a time like this in your life. Try to give way to that tiny little inkling of hope and optimism that’s telling you that it’ll be ok because it’s true. As horrible as you may feel about it, try to remember that it’s not the end of the world. You always have the option to try again. Don’t ignore the pain you feel in your heart, but learn to cope with it. You may not understand why it had to be this way, but that doesn’t mean that there is any divine or celestial reason behind it; it just happened.

The first step to coping is forgiving. Forgive yourself, because it’s not your fault. It was not because of any conscious decision of yours, rather because of the way nature intended for it to pan out. Forgive your husband, because it wasn’t his fault either. Do not play the blame game, for this is a situation where that will make it worse and get you nowhere. It happened, it was unfortunate, but it’s in the past and it wasn’t anyone’s fault. You don't think it’s fair because it’s not, but there’s no point in being angry. Who would you be angry at anyway? Yourself? God? The universe? You won’t find any repose in finding someone to be angry at because it is nobody’s fault.

The next step is to accept that you might not be able to do this alone. You may feel like you want to be left alone and that you don’t need anyone butting into your life and your business, but don’t push people away. Your friends and family are going to be concerned about you, so they will try to help, they will offer it, and you should try to accept it. If you need to, draw boundaries and let them know about it so they don’t overstep; but do not push it away because you’ll be grateful for it, in the end. Hard times are always best overcome with the support of loved ones. You don’t have to do this alone. Remember that your partner has also lost his child. You both are going through the pain of losing a child, so who better to understand you and your emotions and empathize?

Give yourself time to cope with the pain. You may never forget the baby you weren’t meant to have, but that doesn’t mean you have to think about it with grief in your heart. Time and tide heal all. Eventually, you will be healed, even though the scar might remain. Don’t push yourself or your partner, or let anyone push you to get over it faster than you need to.

Consult a doctor to find out whether there is an issue with either you or your partner’s reproductive abilities (sperm motility/uterus’ ability to carry to term). There are many medications and treatments available to help combat reproductive issues for both men and women, so don’t be shy to ask for information and do your research.

It and you will be alright. Stay strong. 

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