When we spot an over controlling parent, we are quick to point it out. But when it comes to ourselves, we always think that we are doing the right thing. We know what is best for our kids after all, right? Well, this is because signs of an over controlling mother are subjective. What seems okay for one mother may not work for the other.
We never intentionally do anything bad for our children. But what you may not know is that over controlling your child has long-term effects on their personality. Knowing this, you may want to avoid doing a couple of things that most parents find to be normal parenting tactics.
What you should avoid
There are certain characteristics and signs that show that you might be an over-controlling parent. Here’s what you should look out for and avoid:
1. Controlling what they do
The kids may also need assistance in doing a couple of things until they are old enough to do it on their own. But if the mother is controlling which friends they should and should not talk to, it becomes too much. Reading through their messages is an invasion of their privacy. Not allowing them to pick try something new is controlling. Your child should be given enough freedom to learn and grow from situations on their own.
2. Doing everything for them
Children learn by doing things on their own. They might make mistakes, but they learn from them too. Parents should avoid helping their child with everything. Allow them to finish their own homework and polish their own shoes. If they make mistakes, you can show them the right way, but don’t do the job for them until they have tried their best.
3. Pushing them to try harder
Every mother thinks the world of their children. They want their child to be perfect in everything they do. But they sometimes forget that their little one is only human after all. They may not get full marks on the test every time, but they did try their best. They might already be feeling hurt about not getting those 2 marks to make it a full grade. If you find yourself criticising your child instead of praising them for what they achieved, it could affect their confidence. So go easy on them.
4. Being overly protective
If you are the kind of mom who is going to leave 500 texts and missed calls on your child’s phone because they didn’t respond for 2 hours, then it could mean that you are an over controlling mom. Over controlling, mothers are often just worried mothers who are afraid that their child may be in danger. Their controlling nature is just something they do to deal with their own worries and anxiety.
5. Conditional love
A mother’s love is meant to be unconditional. If her child does something wrong, they can correct them and tell them not to repeat it. They can then do something positive to cheer them up. But trying to manipulate the kids by not talking to them or showing affection until they do things the way they want them to.
Long-term effects on the child
A child who has over controlling parents would grow up thinking that they are incapable of making their own decisions. They may feel inferior and might develop poor social skills. They would have a low self-confidence and this will affect them in their future relationships, social life and work. So aim to be more liberal with your children and allow them to make their own decisions. Establishing a few ground rules is alright, but you should welcome their interests and thoughts.