Nine Adorable Things Only Indian Mothers Do
Indian Moms are the most theatrical creatures! They can be the most affectionate people and suddenly switch to being your worst nightmare. Just when you think ‘shaadi ke baad aap se chutkara milega’, your mum will say, ‘kaash mai tumhare saath sasural aa sakthi’. No doubt they are irreplaceable. You realise you have a hollow space when you are off to a hostel. That craving for ‘ghar ka khaana’ (home food) is just another way of saying you miss your mum. It is unbelievable how similar every Indian mother is. Here are a few things you can't help but relate to.
1. "Bacha badam kha lo"
The taste of Badam is probably the only thing you will remember in your sleep. It just gets worse during exams, "Yaad nahi aa raha? Badam kha!" All the monthly supplies in the house might get over, but new packets of badam will never seize to surprise you. Whoever said badam is good for the development of your brain was talking to Indian Mothers specifically. Your breakfast is incomplete if you have not eaten your badam quota for the day. The only way you can get your mother off your back is if your eat the babam, so just eat the badam.
2. "Champi kar doon?"
Your mother has soaked your hair in coconut/almond oil (gender is not a barrier here). No matter what you are going through, an oil massage is the solution to all your problems. It heals a broken heart, it relieves you of your stomach pain and also has the magical power of helping your hair grow till your knees. As a matter of fact, we cannot help but agree with anything our mother says, and when she is giving me a champi (oil massage), we’re not in our senses. There is something about her fingers stroking your hair…. it soothes you to a gentle siesta.
3. 27 missed calls from 'Mother India'
Okay, this happens in the off chance that you did not get an auto back home after tuition, you hit heavy traffic, and your auto driver is driving at his own pace - basically a day that feels like your home and the entire universe seems to be against you. Your mother would have probably tried to call you a gazillion times, and you’re in trouble if your phone is "not reachable" or "out of coverage area". She is most probably waiting outside the house in tears, if it is your lucky day, or you will most probably find her furious. No matter how genuine your reasons are, they are all lies to her. You were definitely with a boy.
Indian Mothers are exceptionally superstitious. They think the entire universe will make it its sole motive to come after her child. Do not cut your nails at night, do not shake your leg, or a black cat crossing your path is bad luck. Every time you question these vague superstitious practices, she is going to come up with a different answer or just say "because I said so"..... end of conversation. If you look through your baby pictures, it may be impossible for you to find one without your eyes smeared with kajal (khol), which is apparently supposed to help your baby develop sight faster or give you good eyesight as you grow up. Also, a kala tika is supposed to protect you from buri nazar (evil eye)?
5. "Ghar ka dinner kha lo, nahi to kal subha breakfast ke liye khana padega"
If you go out for dinner and you have made the biggest mistake of your life by not informing your mother prior to this, you will end up eating dinner twice. Since you did not inform her, it is your fault. Even if you have informed her and she has already cooked dinner, it is your fault. If you fuss and choose not to eat the dinner she has made so lovingly, you will see the same plate of food for breakfast. Do not be surprised, as it is your fault.
6. "Dabba kaha hai tumhara?"
As soon as you step into the house after school, the first thing your mother will ask for is your dabba (lunch box). You cannot forget your dabba in school, and if your school is close to home, she will probably take you back to school and make you look for it. If there is a little bit of lunch left in it, you are dead meat. Leaving your dabba in school would be the most dreaded school day, and if it is a weekend it is worse. It is just a tiffin box, but not to your mother, it is not.
7. "Sneha chaar ghante padthi hai. Tum kyun nahi kar sakte?"
We have all been victims to this. Your mother will compare you every other child. You as an individual are a different personality and you have different talents, but this holds no importance if you get an 89% on your marks card and your friend gets 91%. You have to be better than all of the other children in the locality.
8. "Silent pe kyun rakha hai?"
You cannot ever put your phone on silent mode, as this is termed as illegal in your mother’s rule book. If you wanted to keep it on silent, why have the phone in the first place. You own a phone only for your parents to communicate with you. If it is going to be kept on silent, how is your mother going to bombard you with calls and the grocery list.
9. "Tumhara kamra fish market se bhi battar lag raha hai"
She would have come into your room to ask you for something entirely unrelated to how dirty your room is, but by the end of the conversation, she is probably telling you how no one will get married to you. You have most probably zoned out through the entire conversation, but she will storm out of the room ranting about her being treated as the maid of the house.