Fights are a part and parcel of every relationship. Be it a friendship, a parent-child relationship, a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, or a marriage, fights happen and we’ve got to deal with them. It’s not something to be ashamed of. It just proves that we’re all different. No one person is the same and we’re all learning how to compromise and live in harmony with each other.
This knowledge doesn’t make fights any less unpleasant. We all wish we could avoid fights or deal with them in a way that doesn’t leave us giving each other the silent treatment for the rest of the day. As husband and wife, fights are expected more so than in other relationships. This is because you live together and share a life which means you both have your own needs. As husband and wife, it is even more important to be able to deal with it effectively, in order to have a healthy relationship. So how do you avoid fighting with your husband?
You may feel like what has been mentioned above is something you already know. Each of us has our own needs and so it’s natural to fight. Keep this in mind next time you find yourself in the middle of a fight with your husband. Remember that he has his own needs too. Whether it’s a night out with his friends or a late night work call, he has some duties and needs of his own. You both do. Try to understand where he’s coming from and what his needs are.
At times, it may feel as though a fight is going nowhere. You’ve both been trying to get the other person to see your own point of view with not much success. At times, fights can get really heated. It may reach a point where you’ve started taking cheap shots at each other. This is the primary warning sign that says “time to shut up.” Sometimes, it’s okay to just distance yourself from the fight. It doesn’t mean you’re giving up, it means you place your relationship above a fight. This may mean you have to give each other space for a while until you both cool down, and that’s perfectly alright. It’s okay to not be a saint and there’s no shame in not being able to reach a solution.
Understanding, sometimes, goes hand in hand with something called compromise. This means that you both understand that the other person has their own needs, and you find a way to reach a solution that equally benefits the both of you. Compromise is extremely important for a healthy relationship. It might not be easy or possible in every situation, but trying is what is most important. It shows that you both care for each other and that you acknowledge that you both have an equal footing in the marriage. It’ll show your husband that along with your own, his needs are important to you too.
When you’re in the middle of a fight, though you might find it hard to do so, try to stop and think about what is important to you. Make sure your priorities are laid out straight in your mind. If this fight is something extremely important to you, then try to find a solution. However, if you find that the subject of this fight does not rank high on your priority list, try to end the fight. This may mean you have to put aside your ego and apologize or try to end it gradually. It’s not worth fighting with your husband over something that is of little significance to you because it’s just going to put you both in a foul mood and create a rift over nothing.
You may find that your husband has done something ridiculous or outrageous or just plain annoying, while you both were out of the house. If it’s something you feel must be addressed, keep in mind and address it when you’re back in the privacy of your own home. Do not do it while still out, in public, because this could lead to a fight. When a fault is addressed in public, people automatically tend to get defensive in order to save face. This might mean that what they say is inappropriate or stupid, but in that moment, the defence is what’s top priority. Fighting in front of your friends and family can lead to a lot of passive-aggressiveness and tension that could get toxic.
If you find yourself in a conflict with your husband, do not let anyone else involved, especially not your kids. For one, it’ll lead to a fight due to the inherent competitive of humans, and two, it’ll put your children in a position they do not want to be put in. this could be bad for your child’s adjustment. What’s even worse is that if your child does take sides, it’ll worsen the fight as the other person will feel worse.
The best way to avoid fighting with your partner is to learn from the past mistakes committed by both of you. Learn from the fights you’ve already had. Understand what makes your husband tick or what behaviour of his makes you tick so that you can avoid engaging in that behaviour or you can bring it up before it gets to the level that’ll cause a fight. If you’ve had a similar fight in the past, recall how you solved it and do the same thing here. Learn how to get along.
It’s natural for husbands and wives to fight. It’s important to keep that in mind and to find a healthy way to put an end to the fights. These solutions may find you closer to your husband than before.