“Motherhood is the greatest thing and the hardest thing”
Motherhood authorizes you to delight in the abundance of love, care and affection. Along with that, it also embraces certain challenges. One of the unsolicited and disturbing challenges is being questioned about your parenting choices. You would be questioned by your family, friends, spouse or even strangers, about everything you do for your child - whether you decide to breastfeed or not, to co-sleep or not, the bedtime routine, what you feed them, how you discipline or dress them, everything could be put up for questioning during your parenthood. So, here are a few tips to deal with those mom-shamers who are watching and waiting for us to fail.
With the hustle and bustle of “Am I doing it right?”, “Am I taking care of my child in a right way?”, “Am I disciplining my child in a fair manner?” and loads of such questions, humour can be one of the best surviving tools. Either you are doubting yourself about your ability or someone else questioning your parenting skills, you could always use humour as armour to have a good laugh when someone tries to mom-shame you. After all, the statements of those critics could become something you laugh about in a year or two.
Ignorance is bliss:
Why do you overthink and worry about what others say when you can ignore and be happy all the way? Everyone will have a say in whatever you do and however, you do. So, instead of worrying and wasting your energy on unwanted things, save your energy for important tasks. Being ignorant of mom-shaming keeps you happy and stress-free.
No one in this world got everything right from the beginning. When it comes to parenting, it is mostly trial and error methods. What works for one child might not work for the other. So, stick on to your self-discovered methods. Although people might try to find fault in everything you do, no one knows your child better than you. Dear mommies, you are doing great. Just hang in there and be proud of yourself and your parenting skills.
Your relationship with your child is longer than any other relationship in this world. Why your child is the way he is, how he could be taught, how he expresses his feelings - only you could understand these things. Whatever others say is out of ignorance. No one knows the entire history of your child or the reasons why you are taking care of your child in a particular way. So, be confident about your choices and what you believe is best for your child and you, not what others believe or say.
Stick to your supporters:
Believe it or not, Energy during parenting is very precious to waste. If you are blessed with a “very active child” who keeps running, bouncing, jumping, wiggling, building and making noise all the time, you realize that even the double of the energy you already have wouldn’t suffice to handle your child. So, don’t waste such valuable energy on arguing with the people who judge you or criticize about your child-upbringing skills - be it your family or friends. Stick on to your supporters and spend more time with them. That would keep yourself at peace.
It may not be always necessary for Mom-shamers to have a logic in their judgement or criticism. Sometimes all they need is to be heard. That makes them feel better. Other times, mom-shaming could also be a cover for their own insecurities or regrets they wished they could have done differently. So, accept the fact that parenting welcomes lots of challenges and unwanted advice. Have deaf ears for the illogical criticism and be self-assured of your parenting skills.