We don't blame you for feeling frustrated if your husband still acts like he's 5 when he's with his mother. It shouldn't be that difficult for a mature, grown up man to make his individual decisions and it is actually disappointing if a man is unable to do that by himself. The fact he agreed to get married was a statement enough of his individuality and sensibility; and any man who behaves otherwise needs a little growing up even now in our opinion.
We understand that mothers are highly influential figures in everyone's lives and it's them who teach us everything but clinging on to what your mother's opinion is on all your life matters will only hinder your ability to grow as a human and we strongly feel there must be a balance between both.
Now it is but natural to see a mother's reflection in her child's choices as she is the one who's raised him, and it's understandable in a way to see his behavioural pattern very much similar to that of hers, but not to an extent that he ignores other alternatives present around him. Such a habit can cost a person a some of his closest relationships in life for let's face it, nobody likes to be ignored or feel unimportant; and hence if you are putting up with a person like that, it indeed is a tough job and we absolutely feel your pain.
What becomes a problem now is to tackle your marriage with such a person and if you are in one, we suggest you do not encourage this pattern and tell him to stop right away.
Yes, today's article is about how you should deal with your husband if he is a Mama's boy for we don't you to lose your individuality in a marriage:
1. Stop Him From Consulting His Mother Too Much
If your husband has a habit dialling his mother's number or walking into her room for every little thing that you feel doesn't concern her, we suggest you have a word with him. Now the key to success here is a calm conversation for your husband mustn't feel you're insecure of his mum. Remember, he loves his mum too much to listen to anything against her; hence you must put it out like you're encouraging his individual opinions over somebody else's and only giving it a push because you believe in him. Trust us, you must start doing it now!
2. Be Protective About Your Personal Issues
If at all you see your husband discussing your personal - marital issues (that you are uncomfortable sharing with anyone - even your parents or parents-in-law) with mom, have a firm word with him and tell him to take his own stand on the issue. We aren't saying moms-in-law are monsters, they, in fact, are like mother figures to us but being an adult you have the right to say no even to your parents if you aren't comfortable with taking their opinion on something. And if you feel your husband is just not listening to you, have a discussion with him about this. You need to be strict, believe us.
3. Do Not Take Accusations Based On His Mother's Opinions
There might be times when your husband isn't around while you land into an argument or disagreement with your mom in law and he only gets to know about this after he's back. Now while you actually expect him to listen to both the sides before giving his own verdict, he ends up only listening to his mom followed by asking you to put your foot down. - If that's the case in your marriage we suggest you voice your opinion about it and do not endure anything in silence. You have as much a right to your husband's life as his mother and he must be just in both the relationships. Tell him he needs to balance it out.
4. Stress On Spending Equal Time With Both His And Your Parents
If you feel an overdose of just and just his mother's presence in the house that you feel is coming in the middle of your personal issues, we suggest you plan a vacation to your own parents' house and nag your husband to accompany you too. It is very important for you to have your parents' involvement in the marriage for if not anything else - at least for a balanced out life. This way you both will broaden your thinking around more alternatives and that will help you take better individual decisions.
5. Start Contributing To All Household Decisions
Now you might be a later addition to the family and this may keep you from contributing to certain family decisions as you don't want to disturb the family dynamics. But remember, you're an equal member of both the family and house and it is your right to put your own opinions forward if you feel they could be useful to any of them. In case your mum-in-law doesn't appreciate it, trust us, she isn't a good mum-in-law, in fact, she is acting exactly opposite to it right now.
6. Explain To Him The Concept Of 'Space'
If your husband doesn't mind his mum intervening into your future decisions and plans but you do, be vocal about it. You might want to listen to her advice for she has both age and experience, or she might give you one herself for she's concerned; but in case she sounds imposing in her tone then trust us, it doesn't care but a need to act like an authority. Do not give in to it. Demand for your own personal space and time.