As parents, we are always focused on providing our children with the bests of all there is within our limits. Be it in terms of materialistic aspect or educating them with the various lessons of life, we try not to leave any stone unturned when it comes to our children just like our own parents did for us. We generally tend to look up to our parents when it comes to childcare and follow exactly what they had done when we were kids. Looking back, you will admit that not all of those tactics of handling you turned out beneficial. Some tactics may even had poor effect on some of us while growing up. So here are few things that we need to take care or avoid when it comes to the growth of our child.
1. Excessive Scolding Or Beating
This is a complete no-no. With all the tension and stress of parenthood, it is only normal to lose your cool time to time. But under no circumstances let the outburst of anger and frustration reach your child. Your child is not capable of understanding the right from the wrongs and the consequences of his/her behaviour by himself/herself. Hurting them to teach them a lesson will do no good but only make them afraid of you. They will not understand what they have done wrong until you discuss with them nicely about it and make them understand. The more a child is afraid of you, the more he’ll hide or become a rebel but will not stop doing the wrongs, making sure to keep you unaware of it.
2. Comparing Their Performance With The Other Kids
Who wouldn’t want their kids to the best at everything. But it is really possible? Well of course it is, if only your kid is Metroman from the animated movie Megamind. It is a fact that we tend to ignore but is highly essential that we do not compare our kids to the others, even ourselves. Every child is special their own way and will do miracles provided they find their speciality. Appreciate their efforts and let them find what they like the most and what they are good at. Cut them a slack! Not every kid who is great in sports is equally good in studies, not even Sharma Ji ka beta. Comparing one child with another or even his/her siblings is only going to help the child develop inferiority complex and self-doubt.
3. Do Not Appreciate Everything They Do
Don’t we all hate those people who act as if they can never be wrong and do not accept their fault no matter what? These are the people who knowingly or unknowingly end up bullying others and are considered spoilt with the excessive parental love. You do not want your kid to turn out to be one of them, do you? So do not appreciate everything your child does, even if he is your Raja beta. Confront them whenever they do anything wrong and make them understand why it is considered wrong. Encourage them to develop good behaviour and practices and motivate them to learn the values of life and master skills that are important to be a good human.
4. "Boys Don’t Cry" or "Don’t Throw Like A Girl"
Try your best to alienate your kids from the concept of discrimination based on any form, colour, race, gender etc. Never say or implement any phrase that differentiate the strength or abilities of a boy or a girl. These practices start at home and from a very young age. These phrases help shape their understanding in a deformed way. Boys who are constantly told that boys don’t cry, tend to hide their feelings and cover their emotions to maintain the rough-and-tough “manly” status whereas girls grow up assuming they will never be as good as boys; both ultimately leading to lack of self-confidence.
5. "You’re Such A Disappointment"
Well, it is easy to get disappointed at something when it doesn’t turn out to be how you had it figured. But when it comes to a child you cannot expect them to be exactly how you want. Do not criticize them too much and say that they are a disappointment. The innocent child will not understand the light tone but take it in their heart and assume that they are just a liability of yours. They will put all their efforts not into what makes them happy but everything that makes you happy and with everything they do, they will only long for your affirmation.
6. "Let Me Help" or "Let Me Do This For You"
Your child will not learn anything if they don’t do it by themselves. You can help him on the process by guiding him but if your love refuses to let him go through a little difficulty while solving or doing something, you will end up doing everything for him. Also, the child will grow up thinking if he can’t do something at one go, there will be someone to help him or do it for him. He will always be dependent on you or someone else. Let him solve the math problem, do the crosswords or even build the Lego house himself.
We’re always a little extra careful with our children but sometimes our very tone of saying something may hurt them. Let’s put ourselves in their tiny shoes for a moment before we take it out on them and act in the best way possible.