Bringing up your children might be a full-time job, but what parents sometimes might not realize is that even when you think you aren’t parenting, you actually are. Children observe and learn, especially from their parents, so when you do the following things in your relationship with your partner, you might actually be harming your child more than you think.
1. You Lack Stability At Home
As a parent, it becomes your responsibility to ensure that your kid gets the optimum stability that is necessary for him/her to achieve their best at school. Children who come from unstable homes have way more exposure to adult behaviour than those who don’t. It is important that children feel valued and cared for at home, and have the atmosphere to grow and learn. If your child has to be a parent to himself/herself at home and sort out issues between you and your partner, then that might affect the child adversely.
2. You Don’t Make Enough Time For Your Partner
Parents can often make spending time with each other really difficult for themselves by prioritizing everything else above their relationship. Your child's needs, your career, building a stable home - these are just a few things that can come before your relationship. While this is fine, it is also important to ensure that your partner and you spend enough time with each other, so that your relationship remains healthy and sustainable.
3. You Openly Criticize Each Others’ Parenting Decisions
While parenting decisions about your child are meant to be taken together, it’s difficult for your partner and you to be on the same page all the time. However, when you start undermining your partner’s decisions in front of your kid, it makes the kid believe that they can get away with whatever they want by manipulating either parent. When it comes to house rules, it is better to have a united front, at least in front of the kid.
4. You Turn Parenting Into A Competition
A parent is a complicated and difficult role to play. Making it a competition between you and your spouse will only turn it into a lose-lose situation for both of you. Trying to outdo the other parent - either to be the better, fun parent or to bend the rules to be more liked than the other - will create a rivalry and gives a chance for the kid to be manipulative.
5. You Disrespect Your Partner In Front Of Your Kids
Disagreeing with your partner is one thing, but openly complaining about them in front of your kid will worsen your relationship with your partner and also theirs with the kid. If you have to rant about your partner, call up a friend or a trusted family member. Don’t try to turn your child against the other partner. It will make them insecure, uncomfortable and put them in a tight spot about their feelings for either parent.
6. You Don’t Communicate
Communication is important in every relationship you forge - be it with your spouse or your kid, or even anyone else you meet. Considering the fact that you and your partner are raising a child together, it is imperative that you learn to communicate with them, as it encourages your child to learn that issues need to be talked about and not stuffed inside. This will also teach them not to shut down emotionally or become passive aggressive, or run away from conflict. Show them that communication is an important and effective tool that must be used as often as possible.