Children are simple little beings who learn everything from us. And they are young human beings, when we being adults can make mistakes then it is but likely that they will make mistakes being still in the learning phase. They try hard to not only learn from us but also to make us happy and proud of them. But sometimes, subconsciously or consciously we end up saying something to them that tend to do more harm than good. And so, here is a list of 5 such things that you just should not say to your child.
1. “I always have to do everything for you”
One of the most damaging thing for a child is an un-lived life of a parent. This actually leaves the child with no place to put their hurt and anger. They think, 'If mom and dad are selfless and do everything for me then how can I be angry at them? The problem must be me. So if you want your child to be open to you and tell you everything they feel, try not to use this phrase.
2. “You did great on your test but why can’t you do it all the time”
When a compliment is immediately followed by a 'but', it places the focus on the negative instead of the positive. All the positive reinforcement, self-esteem boost, and motivation gained from the compliment are lost as soon as 'but' is uttered. Instead of making your child feel good about his/her achievement it makes them feel bad. So, when you are complimenting them just do that and do not follow it with a but.
3. “Stop crying right now”
It's important to allow children to cry and show their emotions and frustrations. They need to know it is okay to feel happy, sad or even angry. Besides, we would never tell an adult to stop crying, so why should we say it to children? Just let them vent out their emotions. And then console them. Don’t shout at them to stop crying.
4. “Do I have to tell you everything 100 times?”
If you have to endlessly repeat yourself, then you need to rethink your communication strategy. Nagging never works; kids have very selective listening and they'll tune you right out. Instead, try asking open-ended questions to get to the root of what's going on. Also, it is sometimes possible that they don’t understand what exactly you are telling them to do because they never did that. It is your responsibility to explain stuff to them.
5. “Stop being such a baby”
You can't expect kids to act like adults because they're not adults. If a child is doing a behaviour that seems babyish, look at the situation. Often they revert to old behaviours when they're nervous, anxious, or scared. Instead of shaming them, listen to their feelings and understand them.