Abuse of any form is frightening and it is extremely difficult to discuss it with anybody as it is a very sensitive issue. It is even worse if you know, you’re the source of abuse. Every parent in this world is against abuse, but it so happens that, some parents don’t realise that they’re being abusive. In fact, one of the hardest reality checks is realizing that you’re being abusive to your child.
Child abuse needn’t be only sexually, it can take the form of physical abuse like beating your child or worse… emotional abuse! Although physical abuse can be recognised easily, emotional abuse and neglect are known to completely change the victim’s life! It creates a negative impact on the child physical, mental and emotional wellbeing.
Today we are going to share a few ways which will help you identify yourself as somebody with abusive tendencies. We will also help you, help yourself with tips to overcome your abusive habits. Through this, you will be able to learn to control your temper and not get frisky with your kid. If you’re wondering, that you’re the only one inflicting abuse on your child, you’re wrong. There are millions of parents out there and they’re really concerned about their behaviour, just like you.
How to identify if you’re an abusive parent?
1.Abuse is addictive
Unfortunately, it is true. Abuse in any form is addictive and it happens in a systematic order. It won’t just stop after an episode of rude behaviour. It continues for a long while and they do it ignorantly even if they’re being asked to stop! Most of the time, these incidents happen in isolation where nobody will see or find out.
It could be something as common as beating your child with hands and escalating to whole new shallow levels of using chappals, belts and more.
2. Your child begins to fear you
Even if you’re just sitting with your child watching tv, they will feel uncomfortable around you. They begin dreading your presence around them and they will try to keep away from you in order to protect themselves.
3. You never take responsibility
Taking responsibility can become a herculean task for you. People who have been abusive, often struggle a lot when it comes to taking responsibility for their actions. They usually say, “ I lost control!” or “oh I didn’t mean to” or “ I didn’t realise what I was doing”.
4. You choose hidden places
People who have abusive habits tend to act out in areas that are concealed or places where there is secrecy and the victim cannot escape. The abuser tends to perceive that they will have more power over the victim and it would be easy to inflict abuse of many sorts.
5. Most abusers were themselves abused
It’s no more a hush hush matter as everybody knows the fact that people who abuse were themselves abused in their life at a point of time. If you’ve been abused, then you’ll know how to inflict violence and abuse. It’s all up to you to choose if you’d want to pass the abusive nature to the new generation.
How to rectify your abusive nature?
You need to tell your child everything without getting into the details as it will be more traumatic for them. But let them know that, it’s not their fault and you’re the one with issues. Ensure them that they mean the world to you and you’re working on your issues to be a good parent.
A famous therapist Dr. Phill said, “When you’re in a stressful situation and you begin to feel yourself snap, remove yourself. At that point say, ‘I’m going to get out of this situation so I don’t lose control.’ You can send your child to his/her room to watch TV, to read a book — whatever it takes to give you a few moments to yourself. Or you can leave the room yourself. Go for a walk, take a shower — just remove yourself.”
3.Express yourself non-violently
People tend to get physical when they don’t know how to express what they feel. Parents need to learn a ton of non-violent ways while dealing with kids especially if they’re rebellious.
You cannot handle kids on your own and you’ll always need an extra hand while raising them. No human is a born parent so it is completely okay for you to get help from people close to you. It can be your mom, friend, fellow mom or even your own partner!
Child abuse is a criminal offence and it is bound to traumatize your little one. Just like how the best things in life are hard to get but not impossible to achieve, raising your child the right way is difficult but not impossible!