Considering how important your husband and parents are to your mental well-being, it seems very important that the two of them stay on good terms, to say the least. Your husband is someone you have to spend the rest of your life with, while your parents are the reason you’re able to live this life your way. No one should ever take a priority over the other, as a choice between the two may not give the best results. Both are equally important in their own way, which is why you can try and get to the root cause of any problem between the two and fix it.
Here are the most common reasons of a rift between your husband and your family, along with the best ways to deal with such situations.
1. You got hitched without their consent
The biggest reason for a situation like this to arise is because you probably disregarded your family’s wishes and got married outside your religion, caste or any other social requirements set by your family. Boycotting your wedding seemed infeasible, so the next best thing would be to express outright displeasure. Your parents may have their reasons for not approving of the man you love, so the best way is to approach your parents in this case as your husband plays a passive role. Strike up a conversation and figure out why they think the way they do. Maybe it’s because of his behaviour, attitude or maybe his vibe. In this case, it’s best to trust your intuition. If the claims are true, talk it over with your husband and come to a common ground on how he can change and help your parents overcome their dislike for him. However, if the problem is something like income or caste, then it would be best to politely explain to your parents that you love this person and are happy with them. Help them understand that your happiness should be of importance to them.
2. Your parents blame him for the growing distance
You’ve moved in with your husband, and probably his parents and your family don't get to see you that often anymore, it could be a problem for your parents. All your free time is spent with him and his family, and this probably ticks your parents off. Make the time to meet your parents and keep them in the loop so they don’t feel too left out. They obviously miss their little one and to see someone slowly replacing them in your life definitely won’t feel good. Invite them to as many functions as you can to get both sets of parents to mingle and make them both more comfortable.
Every parent wants to experience the feeling of parenthood again, and this comes only when your child gives birth to a kid of their own. The nostalgia is something all parents look forward to after their daughter’s marriage. However, if your husband does not want kids right now and is under constant pressure from your parents, it could be a cause of strife.
If you and your husband have decided against having children for whatever reason, gently break the news to your parents that this was a unanimous decision between husband and wife. Only you both know what’s best for your future, and if children aren’t on the list, it must be for the best. Give them a window of hope that you may change your mind in the future when you feel more financially stable or finally find the need to have a third family member.
4. Ideological difference
No one likes to hear this, but sometimes the basic problem two people face is the ideological difference. Just because you are your father’s daughter, does not mean you share the same views. Which is why you and your husband got along. However, after marriage, the conflicting views of your husband and parents can turn out to be a huge problem.
Sometimes, if all negotiations and even basic courtesy fail, it’s best to keep the two away from each other. It may give rise to a nasty social situation if you force them to spend time with each other when both parties clearly don’t enjoy each other’s company. Divide your time equally, so they both feel equally important, and give them both a listening ear, so neither feels ignored. However, try as much as possible to keep your two lives separate.
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