You were pregnant. And then, you lost your child for some medical or unexplainable reasons. It is not just a child, it’s the whole dream you dreamt comes down crashing. Miscarriage can take a major toll on you. Experiencing a pregnancy loss could lead to a range of sharp emotions - sadness, guilt, anger and depression. The depth of each emotion is more than you think is possible. And recovery from the emotional pain could take longer than the physical recovery. But allowing yourself to feel those emotions and deal with it could help in healing the wound a little earlier. So, here are a few hints and tips to recover from the agony of losing the baby.
1. Take the help while breaking the news: Losing your baby when he/she is in the womb doesn’t lessen your sorrow. It is normal to feel fragile while talking about your own miscarriage. If you don’t want to deal with people’s reactions, ask your family or friends to let out the news. That would take off a little stress from your mind.
2. Let go and start the grieving process: Instead of hanging on to the memory death of your unborn child and staying mum, let go of it and start the grieving process. Early loss of your baby doesn't count any less and so is you being a mother.
3. Don’t let others comments affect you: Most of the people don’t get into your shoes and feel of what you are undergoing. It is not because they want to be insensitive but they are unaware of the pain you could feel and can’t comprehend your feelings. So, when someone says, “It’s okay! Let go of it” or “You are still young, you can become pregnant again”, don’t take those comments to heart.
4. Don’t feel guilty about the pain: When your miscarriage is spread in the world, it is pretty normal for people around you to say “move on”, “get over it” or “Get back to normal”. But you don’t have to pressurise yourself until and unless you feel ready for it and you definitely need not blame yourself or apologize for how you feel. Let the feelings sink in.
5. Don’t let the distance grow between you and your partner: You and your partner were together when you became pregnant and when you lost your child. And when it is time to grieve for your loss, don’t push your partner away. Of course, your partner doesn’t grieve in the way you do. But he is grieving in his own way, after all. So, try and explain what you are feeling about the loss of the baby to him. This way he will understand you better and be there for you while dealing with your feelings.
6. Seek support: Miscarriage is a profound loss. You will need a lot of support to get over it. So, talk to someone who underwent the same experience or join some support group that meets regularly.
7. Seek professional help if needed: Women body is designed in such a way that during pregnancy and after the miscarriage, the hormone levels change rapidly. It causes mood swings or depression. If you are unaware of how to deal with it or having trouble dealing with it, seek professional help.
8. Get household help: When your mind is undergoing lots of stress and pain, it is quite normal to feel like keeping everything on hold. So, share your household responsibilities with your family and friends, ask their help in running errands in your house.
9. Be mindful of your feelings: Try to avoid involving yourself in the situations which could hurt your feelings like baby showers, naming ceremony, baptism, first birthdays. Miscarriage is a huge pain. It could create turmoil in your life. But sticking on to those feelings and memories could worsen it. So, be cautious about how you feel.
10. Give a thought about future: For sure, one miscarriage could disturb you and make you feel bad. But if you have gone through more than one miscarriages, certainly you will feel devastated. There might be various reasons for that. Instead of feeling bad and thinking of how much loss you can bear, discuss with your partner about the future. Think of other options such as adoption or if you are comfortable to lead a life without children.
Even though you follow and implement every possible hints and tips, healing emotionally from the miscarriage takes time and patience. So don’t try to rush in. Just hang in there and let go of the painful memories and you will be fine, Mommy! Good luck!